Despite disastrous reviews from TV critics and my own disdain for Denise Richards, I decided to give her ill-fated reality show on E! a shot. I already assumed that I was going to hate it, and it's only 7 minutes into it as I type this and I can tell you that yes- I hate it. The show is titled Denise Richards: It's Complicated, but the reason why this show is a going to be a flop (in my humble opinion) is really not that complicated at all: We don't like you, Denise.It's not that "Omg I love to hate you" Simon Cowell/Omarosa kinda thing. We just genuinely think you are kind of a bad person and uninteresting and pretty fake. We don't remember you from being a Bond girl, even if you said it 20 times, we vaguely remember you from Wild Things, and you didn't even mention your most memorable (and sadly I admit, funny) role in Drop Dead Gorgeous.
This first episode of the show started out with Denise setting up her life and how she's recovering from a "horrible few years" and getting her life together. She quickly goes on to say what a terrible job her personal assistant is doing, and then takes her pet pig to see if it's pregnant. Shouldn't they be saving the zany, obviously-produced bits until at least the second or third episode? We just don't like you.
I watch a lot of television, and a lot of reality shows, so I feel I'm able to give my own diagnosis on why this show won't work with Denise as the star. Let's talk about other reality shows with female leads for a moment. Bravo's Hey Paula was a train wreck itself, but that was why it was so fun to watch. Everyone was rooting for Paula Abdul, but it was so enjoyable to watch her melt down episode after episode. It's OK; she's a warrior. Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane is fun because you want Kimora to be a diva, and she totally delivers. Victoria Beckham: Coming to America (although never a full series) was amazing because you were waiting for Vicky to be a total robot fashion moron and she was! All of these ladies are heightened versions of the caricatures we expect them to be in real life.
So where does that leave Denise? She's fighting against everything we want her to be. Maybe she should be a home-wrecking, husband-stealing hussy on the show because we would all enjoy that a lot more than watching her try to "meet a nice man" and take care of her aging father. We just don't like you, Denise, or at least the version of you you're trying to push on to the masses on television.
Hopefully I'll never have to write about Denise Richards again. Gotta go, Living Lohan is on.